|
[Jun0606] |
|
I am writing this letter with adequate postage and mailing it to You. Please, ignore the regrets in punctuation and run-on sentences. It is filled with enough of the cliche words about the one I love.
And it reads:
Dear Darling,
It's been a while since we said those things: the songs we sing and those three words that used to mean everything. I remember the rush when I said, "I love you," and you asked, "How much?" I showed you my outstretched hands. Well, sweetheart, I loved you more than that.
I'm sorry I let you down. Things just never worked out. Lies and your true intentions were lost by your heart's defenses.
Because, the truth is - you were the one thing that I adored. You were like the sweat dripping from every pore. And I would run up those steps just to feel you again; you're soft touch on my skin.
Don't think that I don't know that I am just flesh and bone. This fragile body will die like everyone else's very soon. But I can't stand the regret of such a short life without you.
Remember when on the phone I said, "If this is a dream, please, let me sleep forever." You replied that I would not be denied. It's not a dream, but what dreams are made of.
I'll stop now and let you think about the past. Take what you've learned. You don't have to write back.
P.S. I love you, but the rest was not true. But I got your attention.
So I wrote this letter. It should be arriving soon.
|
|
|
[Jun0606] |
|
I really wish Big Pun didn't die. He had some fucking talent. Gayass. I'm on Vj's computer and I'm pretty sure that he has more nigjigs than Britta &me combined. Insane.
Anyway. I got "laid off" from that awesome job I loved so much. Why would you have someone hire someone new 3 weeks before closing their department. It's pretty gay if you ask me. And it really pisses me off because I love that job so much.
Kristen's home and I couldn't be happier. She left all pissed off last night and I sure hope she doesn't hold it against me because most of the time, I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. Ugh.
I talked to Miranda today, too. I kinda want to see her before she goes back to GA. I hate saying that I miss her, but I do. It's so stupid.
Brittany and I are "okay" I suppose. But I still don't know what's going on. It's stupid and it makes me upset but whatever. What can you do? Love and shit. Bffs. Yo, Nancy. 6 steps and shit. Haha.
I really have nothing to say.
That's my wife, I paid for them titties. Get your own, ya heard?
|
|
|
[May0506] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tony danza tapdance extravaganza |
] |
Vj makes me view life differently sometimes.
I'm done with stressing. I love Brittany to death and I'm never going to do anything to push her away. So I'm no longer going to care who she hangs out with or when; because I know she's coming home to me<3. And I'm going to stop taking her for granted, because I never want her to ever think that I don't appreciate all that she's done for me. I love the friends I have now. The past is the past; let it go. I love my job. I finally ACTUALLY help people and I've made some awesome friends/cooworkers. I love my family more and more every day. (I finally tollerate &love them now. Took long enough.) And My baby comes home in 2 weeks. So I'm hoping that I'll finally feel complete again. She's my comfortable &I can't wait to hold her and have that threesome with the two prettiest girls I know. Haha.
I'm going to change my attitude. Because it seriously needs some re-adjusting.
Other than that, I think I'm going back to church.
It seems like there's a "new" Kate every other year. I hope I like this one.
(thanks for the talk veej)<3
twat.
|
|
|
[May0506] |
| [ |
music |
| |
minus the bear |
] |
I honestly don't even know why I update this anymore. Whatever. I usually write about what's going on but I really don't feel like repeating myself over and over again. So I'll just leave it at the fact that I'm far too stubborn and I am horrible at showing both appreciation and gratitude. I'm trying to work on it, but it doesn't seem to be making anything any better. I wish I had just tried harder in the first place, then I wouldn't be in this mess. I do this to myself way too often: I make myself believe that there's nothing wrong with me, when I know the entire time that there is. I wish I cared more about people other than myself. I wouldn't want anyone to feel as though they're being walked on, especially her.
On a better note: I love my new job. I always wanted a job where I actually HELPED people, and now I finally do. Plus, I get to drive this sweet ass short bus all over the place. One day I have to drive it down to Atlantic City, so Brit &Matty are going to follow us. Maybe Kristen &Lew will be able to go, too. That would be awesome. I love Kristen &Lou. And I love their apartment. It's like a home away from home. One day They're just going to find me on their comfortable ass couch.
Me and my mom are like, incredibly close. And I guess if you knew me and my mom for my entire life up untill I moved out, that's earth-shattering news. I'm so happy. It feels like I have a mom now, rather than JUST Aunt Nance as someone to look up to (female wise). But Aunt Nance will always be the mom i go to first. That's just how i roll.
I want Brittany back. Hm.
|
|
|
[May0506] |
|
It's wierd. Everything is so perfect, yet I'm miserable. I know that the reason Brittany and I fight so much is because we're constantly together, but I hate being without her. And I know that I start 90% of the fights, but I can't help it. Sometimes I wish I was still on my anti-depressants because at least then I was tolerable. Today it feels like everyone hates me for no reason. Yet, Jay took me out to dinner, Vj was really happy to see me, Jes and Matt both want to hang out with me, and Brit didn't seem too happy to leave me. I think I'm just getting tired of not having money and and job and whatnot. Whatever.
I start work on Thursday. It's some Catholic ass retirement center. I get to sit and pray for an hour and get paid for it. I was considering going back to church. I miss believing in something. I'm so stubborn and I tend to only believe in what's "real" and set out in front of me. I should probably be a little more open minded. But I don't know. I miss my Uncle Lew. Cancer's a dickhead.
Mother's day was good. My mom cried when she read my card and that made me feel really good about myself. Mainly because I wrote her a little note saying how happy I was that we finally got so close. It makes me really happy because now my sister isn't the complete center of attention. That sounds really selfish. I guess we're equal now. I love my parents, and Aunt Nance. I hope she had a good Mother's day, too, because she deserves it. She's one hell of a mommy.
Brittany didn't answer when I called and I just got really upset, even though I KNOW what she's doing and where she is. I'm so stupid.
Kristen comes home in less than a month. It feels really good to say that. I can't wait to love her. Vj said she's sick and I'm really upset about that. Too bad I can't call her. Idk. Maybe he'll let me use his cell. I miss her so much.
Last night was amazing and I can't even explain why.
No one reads this shit. I'm such a gayass.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kkkkkate's journal