kkkkkate

kkkkkate @ 2006-06-16T00:05:00

2006-06-16T04:05:34Z

I am writing this letter with adequate postage and mailing it to You. Please, ignore the regrets in punctuation and run-on sentences. It is filled with enough of the cliche words about the one I love.

And it reads:

Dear Darling,
It's been a while since we said those things: the songs we sing and those three words that used to mean everything. I remember the rush when I said, "I love you," and you asked, "How much?" I showed you my outstretched hands. Well, sweetheart, I loved you more than that.

I'm sorry I let you down. Things just never worked out. Lies and your true intentions were lost by your heart's defenses.

Because, the truth is - you were the one thing that I adored. You were like the sweat dripping from every pore. And I would run up those steps just to feel you again; you're soft touch on my skin.

Don't think that I don't know that I am just flesh and bone. This fragile body will die like everyone else's very soon. But I can't stand the regret of such a short life without you.

Remember when on the phone I said, "If this is a dream, please, let me sleep forever." You replied that I would not be denied. It's not a dream, but what dreams are made of.

I'll stop now and let you think about the past. Take what you've learned. You don't have to write back.

P.S. I love you, but the rest was not true. But I got your attention.

So I wrote this letter. It should be arriving soon.

kkkkkate @ 2006-06-09T10:59:00

2006-06-09T15:08:29Z

I really wish Big Pun didn't die. He had some fucking talent. Gayass. I'm on Vj's computer and I'm pretty sure that he has more nigjigs than Britta &me combined. Insane.

Anyway. I got "laid off" from that awesome job I loved so much. Why would you have someone hire someone new 3 weeks before closing their department. It's pretty gay if you ask me. And it really pisses me off because I love that job so much.

Kristen's home and I couldn't be happier. She left all pissed off last night and I sure hope she doesn't hold it against me because most of the time, I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. Ugh.

I talked to Miranda today, too. I kinda want to see her before she goes back to GA. I hate saying that I miss her, but I do. It's so stupid.

Brittany and I are "okay" I suppose. But I still don't know what's going on. It's stupid and it makes me upset but whatever. What can you do? Love and shit. Bffs. Yo, Nancy. 6 steps and shit. Haha.

I really have nothing to say.

That's my wife, I paid for them titties. Get your own, ya heard?

kkkkkate @ 2006-05-24T23:19:00

2006-05-25T03:56:14Z

Vj makes me view life differently sometimes.

I'm done with stressing. I love Brittany to death and I'm never going to do anything to push her away. So I'm no longer going to care who she hangs out with or when; because I know she's coming home to me<3. And I'm going to stop taking her for granted, because I never want her to ever think that I don't appreciate all that she's done for me. I love the friends I have now. The past is the past; let it go. I love my job. I finally ACTUALLY help people and I've made some awesome friends/cooworkers. I love my family more and more every day. (I finally tollerate &love them now. Took long enough.) And My baby comes home in 2 weeks. So I'm hoping that I'll finally feel complete again. She's my comfortable &I can't wait to hold her and have that threesome with the two prettiest girls I know. Haha.

I'm going to change my attitude. Because it seriously needs some re-adjusting.

Other than that, I think I'm going back to church.

It seems like there's a "new" Kate every other year. I hope I like this one.

(thanks for the talk veej)<3

twat.

kkkkkate @ 2006-05-18T19:19:00

2006-05-18T23:28:53Z

I honestly don't even know why I update this anymore. Whatever. I usually write about what's going on but I really don't feel like repeating myself over and over again. So I'll just leave it at the fact that I'm far too stubborn and I am horrible at showing both appreciation and gratitude. I'm trying to work on it, but it doesn't seem to be making anything any better. I wish I had just tried harder in the first place, then I wouldn't be in this mess. I do this to myself way too often: I make myself believe that there's nothing wrong with me, when I know the entire time that there is. I wish I cared more about people other than myself. I wouldn't want anyone to feel as though they're being walked on, especially her.

On a better note: I love my new job. I always wanted a job where I actually HELPED people, and now I finally do. Plus, I get to drive this sweet ass short bus all over the place. One day I have to drive it down to Atlantic City, so Brit &Matty are going to follow us. Maybe Kristen &Lew will be able to go, too. That would be awesome. I love Kristen &Lou. And I love their apartment. It's like a home away from home. One day They're just going to find me on their comfortable ass couch.

Me and my mom are like, incredibly close. And I guess if you knew me and my mom for my entire life up untill I moved out, that's earth-shattering news. I'm so happy. It feels like I have a mom now, rather than JUST Aunt Nance as someone to look up to (female wise). But Aunt Nance will always be the mom i go to first. That's just how i roll.

I want Brittany back. Hm.

kkkkkate @ 2006-05-15T18:27:00

2006-05-15T22:37:38Z

It's wierd. Everything is so perfect, yet I'm miserable. I know that the reason Brittany and I fight so much is because we're constantly together, but I hate being without her. And I know that I start 90% of the fights, but I can't help it. Sometimes I wish I was still on my anti-depressants because at least then I was tolerable. Today it feels like everyone hates me for no reason. Yet, Jay took me out to dinner, Vj was really happy to see me, Jes and Matt both want to hang out with me, and Brit didn't seem too happy to leave me. I think I'm just getting tired of not having money and and job and whatnot. Whatever.

I start work on Thursday. It's some Catholic ass retirement center. I get to sit and pray for an hour and get paid for it. I was considering going back to church. I miss believing in something. I'm so stubborn and I tend to only believe in what's "real" and set out in front of me. I should probably be a little more open minded. But I don't know. I miss my Uncle Lew. Cancer's a dickhead.

Mother's day was good. My mom cried when she read my card and that made me feel really good about myself. Mainly because I wrote her a little note saying how happy I was that we finally got so close. It makes me really happy because now my sister isn't the complete center of attention. That sounds really selfish. I guess we're equal now. I love my parents, and Aunt Nance. I hope she had a good Mother's day, too, because she deserves it. She's one hell of a mommy.

Brittany didn't answer when I called and I just got really upset, even though I KNOW what she's doing and where she is. I'm so stupid.

Kristen comes home in less than a month. It feels really good to say that. I can't wait to love her. Vj said she's sick and I'm really upset about that. Too bad I can't call her. Idk. Maybe he'll let me use his cell. I miss her so much.

Last night was amazing and I can't even explain why.

No one reads this shit. I'm such a gayass.

kkkkkate @ 2006-05-08T11:37:00

2006-05-08T15:43:52Z

Well, Brittany &I broke up. I can't say that I'm all that suprised because things have been really bad lately. Technically, we're on a break. Because I'm pretty sure we have every intention of getting back together. Or at least I do. I don't see the point really. It's something about labels. It's wierd talking about Brit when she's laying right there >>>.

My sister's bridal shower was good for the most part. She got a fijita maker. I'm not sure what the hell she's going to do with that. It's a pretty lame gift if you ask me. Oh well, it's better than what I got her. I told her that my love was enough &gave her and IOU. Don't worry, I felt like a gayass. But my mom was really nice to me all day, which was cool. I love not living with her; we get along so well.

Kristen comes home for sure on the 8th. I'm so happy. Exactly one month untill I'm complete again. I don't think she realizes how exicted I am to cuddle with her, and love her, and be in her presence. She said that she's coming home for AT LEAST a month. I hope she stays.

Vj hated me for a day. And I feel like shit because of it. I'm such an asshole when it comes to respecting people and shit.

Brittany calls me a princess and I find it kinda cute. Too bad it's a bad thing. Oh well. I love her.

kkkkkate @ 2006-05-07T01:54:00

2006-05-07T06:00:33Z

I just realized how much I miss being little, eating freezepops. They honestly just make me happy. I'm smiling.

My sister's bridal shower is tomorrow. In all honesty, I don't want to go. I mean, I'm really mad at her still. How is she going to sit there and act like our aunt is a bad person for something she did well over 10 years ago. I hate when people hold grudes; and my sister is being a total douchebag for it. I hope she reads this. Actually, she probably wouldn't read it even if she knew I had one. Self centered bitch. Ugh.

Tonight is the second night in a row that Coon has slept over. So, clearly, Vj is dating him. I think it's cute. I mean, I fully support homosexuality. You guys are going to make gorgeous babies. Fags. Which makes me wonder. Would Hope call Vj Daddy too? Hm.

I just cursed a lot. For no reason. At no one. Anyway.

I wish I had better hair. I hate it. It's half red, half brown, kinda curly, sorta strait. Like what the fuck. Pick a style. Rather than retard.

I should probably go to bed. I have to get up early.

My mom asked me to go to church with her? Uh, maybe.

kkkkkate @ 2006-05-03T10:51:00

2006-05-03T15:03:00Z

I honestly hate bitching about stupid shit. But I think I've seriously had it. I feel like the biggest retard ever. No exaggeration. I can't stand my own life. Is that even normal? Everything about it pisses me off. My girlfriend (exgirlfriend?) hates me with a passion, my best friend never talks to me anymore &I think he's doing things he shouldn't be doing, my sister's bridal shower is stressing me out, I don't see how Peggy lost ANY weight because she STILL looks like an 80 year old cow. UGH.

I "lost" my ciggies and I really need one right now. Don't worry. They probably grew legs and walked away. I mean, that happens all the time.

I don't want to get a job. Nor do I want to do anything. If i could just lay in bed all day, I probably would. I'm going to find a job where I get paid to sleep constantly. Because, clearly, that's all I'm good at. Come to think of it, I can't even do that without taking some kind of medication first.

Matt's teaching me how to be a hustler. Idk how I feel about this, but whatever. He's a cutie. I miss him a lot. We used to have SO much fun just sitting there watching tv. I'm really glad he got out of the whole drug scene &came home. Hm. I'm really proud of him.

Oh, and I hate sex. For the record.

I think that's it.

kkkkkate @ 2006-04-17T14:53:00

2006-04-17T19:01:00Z

Yeah, I'm updating again. Idk why. I don't even have that much to say. I tryed to quit smoking. I even got some quit-smoking thing from my mom. But I just don't want to. I think i'm just goingto cut back again. I remember when I used to be able to smoke like 5 a day. That was amazing. Too bad I get stressed out about the simplest things. If I could quit being stressed, I could quit smoking.

WTF am I talking about?

Anyway, Brit's babysitting. She's babysitting a lot this week, which makes me really happy because we'll have more money. I have an interview at Future Fitness tomorrow. And it's full time so hopefully I can quit my other job, if I didn't already get fired, which is very possible.

I feel bad. I really wish I could take Brittany to my sister's wedding. Too bad my mom's a homophobe.

Kristen's coming home. No one has any idea of how happy I am everytime i say that. Seriously. I'm delighted. ♥

Peace.

kkkkkate @ 2006-04-14T17:45:00

2006-04-14T21:53:59Z

Since when do I update this so much? Whatever. I was just randomly informed that a black girl wants to fuck VJ. And uh, he's going to do it. Strait up interracial dating. Hm. At least he doesn't say "nigger" every 3 seconds. You know what I mean?

I hate to say it but, I miss Kel. Apparently, she doesn't hate Brit. Too bad Brit's stubborn, because I'm pretty sure she'll always hate her. Whatever. I kinda want my shirt back. You know, the white one? Haha. I wish we never lost those panties. I want to go to Cooper River Park. Come on 23rd. Gay.

I love Easter. I mean, aside from the fact that Jesus is dead and everything. The wether should be nicer though. That's what i love about it so much. I want to run in the yard with Kevy. Just like everyother year. I think Brit's going to her mom's. My family loves her. I kinda like that. &I like being in love. Too bad she hates me.

I seriously write the same gay shit everytime.

FDS.

kkkkkate @ 2006-04-12T07:47:00

2006-04-12T11:47:21Z

I can not, for the life in me, figure out why I get myself into the worst situations. It seems like there's only one good thing in my life at all times, and it's never what i really want. I miss things being simple. The lack of drama and jealousy was nice as well. I get jealous over the "dumbest" things. But honestly, they're not dumb tome at all. The jealousy continues when I ask people what they would do in my situation and their reactions would have been much more severe. I wish I cared about anything. It would probably make things a whole lot easier. Oh well.

I started talking to my Aunt Nance again &I'm really happy about that. Idk. She means more to me than my own mother most of the time. I hate when shes upset/disappointed in me. Then again, disappointment seems to be a recurring word in my life. I wish I knew why.

I really miss Kristen. For the longest time, she was the only person I felt like I could count on, and now she's gone. Well, she's been gone for a while now, but it hasn't hit me as hard untill recently. I feel like a bad friend by staying here when I specifically told her I was always going to be there for her. I'm such a hypocrite and a liar. Whatever though, she knows I miss her. And i swear the first thing I'm doing when I get money is buying her a plane ticket to come home.

I wish life wasn't so complicated. Really. All I want in life is someone who's honest and my best friend.

Gay.

kkkkkate @ 2006-04-05T06:39:00

2006-04-05T10:43:14Z

Vj wont get up. We're supposed to go to the gym. He's the one who's always bitching. Whatever. I think Zoey has ear mites. We should probably get that checked out. Idk. But it's annoying. That head shaking shit. Waking me up. Fuck that.

I just got off the phone with Brit. She's cute. I miss her a lot. I don't think she misses me though. She never wants to talk to me. I feel bad. Because I didn't miss her at first. Actually, it was like a releif having her gone. But then I missed kissing her goodnight &making dinner for her and shit. It's gay. Yo, Brit, come home? TOMORROW.♥

Kel slept over the other night. It was fun. Pantie runs &Dunkin Donuts. I've missed her. So I'm glad she was ready for a hangout.

Yo, Krazie Bone is raw as fucc. As Kristen would say.

Dude, the gym is just calling my name. Too bad i have to wait for lazyass.

I'm hyper. Btw, its 7am.

kkkkkate @ 2006-03-27T18:04:00

2006-03-27T23:05:08Z

Idk. But I'm bored. I went on some gay ass job interview today. Too bad they were only hiring people who were over 25. They probably could have told me that on the phone or something. Those assholes.

I haven't seen Emily in weeks. We're supposed to go to Boston next week but somehow I doubt we'll have the money to go. We meaning Brittany and me.

I seriously hate Limewire a lot. Skipping is real cool.

I got my dress for my sister's wedding. It kind of reminds me of my prom dress only shorter. Whatever.

Apparently every body's fucking on the dance floor. I'm not. Someday..

Brittany &I are going to redo this room. White walls kind of drive me crazy. Idk. Soon.. I swear. &I've been hanging out with Jes a lot lately &it makes me happy. I love her alot. I just hope she's going to be okay with this whole heart thing. I also started talking to Kel again. Kinda. She's a cutie. Too bad Michael got back with sweater freak. Gay.

Cold Corveh: I hate you
That's all.♥

kkkkkate @ 2006-03-20T22:38:00

2006-03-21T03:42:57Z

I'm at Emily's. Dan is making fun of me. I think. I honestly don't know. I'm really thirsty but I doubt Brit will get up and bring me my drink. Then again, I wouldn't bring her one either. Karma. thatson of a bitch.

I don't know why I update this. Whatever. I think it's for Aunt Nance. But I got a different job. Turnersville is too far to drive. I mean, I would spend more on gas than I would anything else. And that's just not right. So i'm working by the Lindenwald speedline. Which is cool. Plus, I get to make my own schedual. Shit yeah.

My sister's getting married on June 17th. I'm really very happy for her. I maen, she's been with him for 5 years. It's about fucking time. We went and saw the place today and I got my dress. I hope Dan cleans up as nice as I think he's going to. Kidding. He's a cutie. I just hope he gets drunk and dances with my mom. Idk. Whatev.

I want Brit to quit smoking. If she dies from lung cancer I'm giong to be pissed.

I miss Jess. So if you're reading this, can you call me sometime? PLEASE?

kkkkkate @ 2006-03-17T01:16:00

2006-03-17T06:16:58Z

It seems like the things I wrote a long time ago are coming true again. And once again I come to the same conclusion. I wish life wasn't so repetitive. It's getting pretty predictable. But anyway. Here goes.

Tangled adorations scream, "Speak out, you might as well be free". That's all they're saying to me. I am lost in this world. I don't think it's for me anymore. Please, don't criticize me on my negativity or think so highly of your false positivity. My eyes are different than yours. My ears may pick up on something you have yet to sense. "Adapt to this. You're wrong about that," you say. And that is supposed to encourage me to continue this? You are like a barrier to block what my stubborn mind does not want to realize. An echo of words, but I only have few to use in your favor. All of the things we believe to be "free" have limitations. Love can't keep this alive on its own anymore. Things like this need to be worked out. Still, neither of us have the energy any longer.
Being selfish isn't a crime, yet everyone frowns upon it. But why? Sometimes selfishness prevents heartbreak. Maybe it's for the best. Who really knows what is here to stay? I don't.

I've been alive for far too long to just up and change now. So i guess I'll keep pushing everything away. It's worked wonders so far. Civility is like a foreign word in this house.

Forever only lasted 62 days.

kkkkkate @ 2006-03-03T22:00:00

2006-03-04T03:06:38Z

We're going to Philly tonight. I miss tripping. Mostly in Philly for 10 minutes with creepy ass talk guys, Jimmy &Kellie. Hm <3

Brittany moved in. It's kind of nice waking up next to her everyday. I really hate sleeping by myself. By the time we break up, I'll probably start sleeping with VJ or something because I don't think I can take it. It's pretty lame. Whatever. I need to go to my mom's house to get more food. Besides, we need milk. Coon makes me breakfast every morning. He's probably having my children. Or, well, whatever. You know what I mean.

Jess is in Atlantic City all weekend. I miss her. I can't wait untill she comes home. It's wierd dying hair without her &Journey. Mmm, Journey.

Kristen was supposed to come home the second week in March or something. Somehow I don't see that happening.

I wish I was drunk.
&I wish I had Crash Bandicoot.

Ugh. <3

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-25T12:59:00

2006-02-25T18:03:53Z

Brittany says she likes my hair curly. I think she's dumb. But whatever. I dont like VJ's shower. The water doesn't squirt out like the one at my house does. Oh well. It's little things like this that make me retarted. Fuck it.

I need to go to my mom&dad's house today to see if I can score some money to buy curtains. Consiering the whole side of my one wall is a window &I wake up blind every single morning. My stomach hurts. I think it's because I haven't been eating right. I better catch up before I get even more sick. Colds are fucking cool as hell.

Today is Joey's birthday. What that has to do with anything is beyond me. But uh, Happy Birthday? (Like he'll ever see this or something.) Whatever.

I noticed yesterday how much I honestly miss Jess. Too bad my Aunt Nance hates me. Honestly, that's the least of my worries right now. Thanks anyway. If you're so conserned with the job, you take it. Alright? Danm.

Right. Yo, I'm hungry.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-23T11:44:00

2006-02-23T16:48:30Z

Well, I'm all moved in. My bed was being a bitch and I think it was pissing me off. I don't remember. Me &VJ drove around a lot yesterday. I went &got an application to colonial but I think they forgot to give me the other half because it's all fucked up? Whatever.

My dad is really proud of me or something. Which is cool i guess. But I'm almost positive my mom hates me. "So, what's going on with you two?" .. uh? "Shut up." But yo, this room is twice the size of mine. I mean, I could lay on the floor ¬ touch anything. It kinda excited me. I'm gay today.

I miss talking to Miranda everyday. I think I'm going to start that back up again.

Yo, I have to pee so bad.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-21T23:16:00

2006-02-22T04:31:35Z

I'm not going to lie - EVERYTHING sucks right about now. Well, almost everything. But that's besides the point. Since everyone else did a whole livejournal rant about it, I guess I should vent as well. So, here goes..

I'm so happy with Brittany. I know I've talked shit about her &I told her that. But I guess the one thing I've learned through all of this is to not judge people before I know them. I don't care who doesn't like her or who thinks badly about her. I love her. &That's okay for now. I know we're not going to be together forever, and I'm not expecting that. But RIGHT NOW, I'm really, very happy with how everything is. And I wish people just accepted that.

Miranda, you're my best friend. I tell you everything. We took a relationship &made it into a friendship that I never even imagined could be possible. I lvoe you to death and the fact that you're so far away kills me. It seems like I JUST got over the fact that there was never going to be a "me&miranda" anymore and I'm perfectly okay with that. And, in retrospect, everything was going really great with us. I know that there's some ... issues ... between us that I need to get over. (the christmas thing). But you don't know how bad that hurt. I love you, and I'm not going to lose you AGAIN over something stupid.

xotastieox: haha yeah kel cares so much i'm sure
aW4u2LuV: she does
aW4u2LuV: but the way youre handling things is messing up ur friendship

I never wanted to lose the friendship that I had with Kellie, ever. She's probably the third person I've ever been so close with. &Considering that we were inseperable for so long, it DOES hurt. I'm not playing victim at all. So I don't know where that's coming from. I don't sit in and cry about it. But it isn't like I can forget about it. Still, I know that this was probably my fault because I know that I don't handle things well. &In all honesty, I don't know what to do about it. So until I figure out what to do, I guess this is how things are going to be. Which sucks.

My parents decided that since I'm never here, I should just move out. Which is understandable. Considering the fact that my dad lost his job &they're right, I really am never here anymore. So I'm moving in with VJ until I can afford to move out on my own &get a car.

I don't evem know.

&This probably all came out wrong.
So I'll apologize ahead of time.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-17T00:20:00

2006-02-17T05:29:45Z

Panic! At The Disco is seriously bad. &I've been thinking that for a good long time now. I want someone to buy me a ticket to one of their concerts. I just want them. I won't go. But i want them. It would be cute. Yo, when I say "shotgun", you say "wedding", okay? (I don't get it. Fill me in.)

Yo, A Flatline Memory, Girls! Girls! Girls! &like 4 other bands are playing at Westbrook on Sunday @6 and it's like $10 or something. Let's go. Wait. Let's get drunk and go. Deal?

Last night Emily had the boyz +Guy&Girl, and Mike over. It was ... fun. To say the least. Hm. I'm in love. It's kinda cute, I guess. I fell asleep at work today, due to the 3 hours of sleep I had the night before. Third graders are pretty responsible. They sat there for an hour and did their homework. No one drown in the sink or got a puzzle to the face. I was really proud of them. Austin&Gabby broke up though. It was a big thing. She cried for half an hour. Cold Springs needs to restock the tissues.

You're pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong.

I miss Miranda, alot. I really can't wait to go see her. I'm supposed to go March 29th or something like that, but I don't know if I'm going to have the money or not. So it's probably pissing her off just as much as it is me. I miss that best friend. I just want to go beat her up. Gay.

Yo, where's Jess?

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-14T00:10:00

2006-02-14T05:10:29Z

This is going to be really long. And I honestly don't expect anyone to read it. I think I would just feel better if I wrote it all out. If you know what I mean. Which, you probably don't. Hm.

By the way, don't expect this to be about you. Thanks.

Isn't it odd how the people who, at one time or another, meant the world to you just fade away, in a sense? I mean, when you're inseparable, and one little thing can separate you forever? Then time passes, and they are so incredibly distant that they seem like just a figment of your imagination. You think to yourself, "Did I dream this entire thing?" And then it hits you. And you realize that it wasn't really a dream at all. But a lot has changed, and you don't really miss it, per say. You just needed that reality check. You needed to see a real life example of how much you have grown as a person. And somehow, in some sick twisted way, you feel better about yourself.

As much as I think so poorly of myself, I do think there's something good underneath. I am a good person with good intentions. But in all honesty, I'm really very tired of people trying to bring me down. A lot has gone wrong lately. I have made some mistakes, but now I am trying to focus on what really matters to me (what I really love). Lately I've noticed that I am unsure of who is "real", if there is such a thing. I wonder if "best friends" really do exist, and I'm beginning to think that perhaps they don't. (With one exception being Kellie). Still, there are some people whom I thought would ALWAYS be there for me, but I guess i was wrong, yet again. Sometimes i think all things going on around us are beautiful. Essentially, it is part of getting older. Sometimes I fear that when I look back on my life, it's going to feel unaccomplished.

Sometimes, I really don't like the way I am. I tend to over-analyze people too much. Then other times, I like that about myself. I am really tired of confusing the people that act as though they are my friends and later let me go for no reason, with those that are true to me as well as themselves. I wonder what people are thinking when they act on certain things. I want to be inside people's minds. I want to know what people think because, honestly, I don't know what goes on in my own mind anymore. I would like to consider myself as a well rounded person. Although, I still want to be trusted. I don't even know how to describe myself and it feels wrong.

I am a walking contradiction.

Someone shut me up now.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-13T12:41:00

2006-02-13T17:47:25Z

I wish I could play the piano and actually be good at it. Aliana's really good. Maybe she can teach me or something. &I'll just make my dad buy me a piano. WTF. Anyway...

Everything between Brittany &me are all cute again. We set some, rules? and whatnot so maybe this time there won't be any jelousy issues and we won't fight everyday over nothing. You know, it's probably not a good thing that we've been togther for less than a month and all we do is fight. Oh well, so far so good. (I love you babe!)

I feel bad or Kel's eye. It's hard to talk to her because she's got that Quazzy Modo shit going on and when she says something serious, haha. I don't know. I wish i just .. caught her in time? Fucking soccer. Ugh. I can't wait untill August. Come onnnnn.

Yo, btw, boys are dumb.

Ew, work.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-11T23:09:00

2006-02-12T04:21:27Z

I wish I knew how to delete entires and wasn't so LJ impaired. BUt it's okay. I just hate reading about depressing things. Even though Kel already did, I'm going to explain this weekend. From my perspective i guess.

Last night was a lot of fun, actually. This girl I work with, Jehahn came out with us. She's actually really cool. Haha. "We teach 3rd graders, and now we're getting drunk together. What kind of example are we setting here?" ... "Dude, we just won't tell Gab." No one's going to get that. Oh well. We drank at my house. Which my mom wasn't very happy with. But we had water bottles so she couldn't proove that we were drunk. Untill later when Kel had a mishap with my steps and her bladder. Sorry boo. Let's just say that I'm a really .. understanding person. And that I love Kellie more than most people.

Kristen is really mad at me. She gave me this speech on how I didn't want to move with her but I have no problem moving to SC with Kel. Which i guess she has a reason to be upset. I mean, I've been best friends with her since i was 2, and Kellie since .. July .. ish? I just think the situation is different. She has a life there with friends and family. I don't. And I think I would feel really out of place. At least with Kellie, we're both going to be in the same situation. And maybe it will give me a way to start over. Well, at least i hope so. I think she's the only person i trust anymore. And I'm honestly really very greatful that I met her in the first place. I'd be so lost without her. And i love her to death.

Other than that, everything is shit. And I feel terrible. I never meant to make the whole situation seem like Brittany's fault. Because I know that it was completely my fault. I did some things that were really unnessicary (I always spell that wrong) and I really never meant to hurt her. But it's hard to try to have a friendship with someone after a relationship if there never was a friendship to start with. Still, I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all. She means more to me than most people. And believe me, I really would never want to lose her. I just wish I didn't feel so miserable all of the time without her. "Life's hard. Deal with it." Blah.

I miss Miranda, too. I just want to drive around in that neon and sing some Jessica Simpson or something. Maybe hit up Wawa at 3 in the morning and come home to scrapbook. That would be cool. Too bad Georgia stole my best friend and sheeit.

Oh, and I saw Kristine today. Actually, she kinda just busted in my room. &I forgot to call her after i got ready.

I cryed at 8Mile tonight.
Shits sad.

Ew dude, this is long as hell.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-10T14:27:00

2006-02-10T19:28:31Z

give it all away,
any god-damned day.
you're all i want.
if I have to choose...
i'm choosing you.

that's all.

kkkkkate @ 2006-02-10T09:34:00

2006-02-10T14:40:43Z

This probably won't make much sence to anyone. So fuck it.

Why would you tell someone you love them, when you know that you are perfectly willing to let everything go over something clearly stupid? It seems like a tradgedy or something. I don't know why really. It isn't like I wasn't given fair enough warning of this EXACT thing happening. I guess I just didn't expect it to hurt so much. It's like one of those things that comes and smacks you in the face. What's that called? A reality check? I don't know. I just know that I don't really like them all that much, and that i want to talk to my sister. Ugh.

I hate being upset around people. I made a complete ass of myself last night. Oh well.

Oh, and thanks for being able to throw everything away over nothing.

"just friends"♥
yeah okay.